Showing posts with label a failure of nerve. Show all posts
Showing posts with label a failure of nerve. Show all posts

Friday, June 06, 2008

Triangular relationships

I finished Ed Friedman's "A Failure of Nerve" this week. This book turns upside down the late 20th century thoughts on leadership. I will try to write some blogs in the coming days about leadership.

In a later chapter he talks about triangulated relationships, and how they affect a leader. Relationship triangles form basically between three people (e.g. husband, wife, child; or husband, wife, mistress; or boss, employee, spouse) or they can be between two people and a problem, like husband, wife, cancer. There are an almost infinite number of potentially triangulated relationships.

These triangles impact us even when we're not aware of them. Maybe more when we're not aware of them. A great example would be the situation I'm in right now where I'm commuting to Dallas a few times each week. My wife and I have several triangles in our relationship. Here's a few I can think of:

  • Me, her, the new job
  • Me, her, our unsold house
  • Me, her, where do we live?

In each case above, the relationship between A & B (me and her) is seriously affected by C, even when we are not realizing it. She doesn't have to know what's going on in my job, the stress of learning new things, being in a new environment, etc. for all of those things to seriously affect her just because they seriously affect me.

This is pretty basic, but I was thinking about how important it is to triangulate all our relationships with God. This is how God has an impact on us, how he builds our faith. We invite him into the triangle, and he affects us whether we know it or not. So if I have me, my new job and God in a triangle, that new job stuff will automatically begin to have less of an effect on my relationship with San. And if she invites God into the triangle with her and selling our house, it has an impact on her well-being, her state of mind, even if she doesn't know what or how God is going to do something.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Skimmers

"We are on our way to becoming a nation of 'skimmers,' living off the risks of previous generations and constantly taking from the top without adding significantly to its essence. Everything we enjoy as part of our advanced civilization, including the discovery, exploration, and development of our country, came about because previous generations made adventure more important than safety."

Edwin Friedman, A FAILURE OF NERVE

I highly recommend this book. Friedman takes an honest assessment of what is required for true leadership and finds us lacking. More to come.